The Genius Bar

The Genius Bar

little geniuses

I went to the Apple Store today.  Had two questions about my iPhone.  "Why does my phone keep freezing up?" and "Why did my email stop working?"  

You know what they call their technical support division at the Apple Store?  The Genius Bar.  

Now if that's not setting us all up for disappointment, I don't know what is.  I see "Genius Bar," I'm expecting a lot.  I'm expecting insight, creative solutions, passionate thoroughness, bad hair cuts and zits.  But the blue polo shirted genius that helped me (after having to make an appointment and come back in two hours) brought none of that.  He had no insight, not a single solution and ultimately admitted that there was nothing he could do.  He did have three zits and a God-awful haircut.  The iPhone, you see, is like a pack rat of data.  It is a little computer that over time gets confused and too full of bits of information.   Like most computers, it needs to be defragmented.  But you can't defragment it.  It needs to be cleaned out, but the only way to do that is to wipe it completely clear of all information and start over as if it were a new phone.  In the meantime, it slowly devolves into frozen screens, inconsistent functions and the always entertaining phone calls where you can hear them but they can't hear you.

And I kept asking him if there was anything he knew to do about each problem.  The answer was always the same.  "Nah, not really.  I mean, you could wipe the memory completely and reinstall."

So, I finally said to the genius, "So, I guess I'm just realizing one of the drawbacks to the iPhone is that over time it slows down and starts performing poorly."  "You hit the nail right on the head," the genius replied.

"Thanks, genius," I said and made my way out past the $50 iPhone protector cases and into the crowded LA streets.

I thought to myself, "Would a real genius go get a job that pays $12 an hour?"

Probably not.